Drift Reality

In general, Drift Reality is all my own content. I normally write about things that mean something to me, or ideas that have evolved in my head over time. I write a draft, do a quick copy edit and then push it live.

There are certain times however when I feel like I need to share something with the world that isn’t my own creation and this is one of those times.

A close friend of mine who runs a business involved with foreign trade recently forwarded me an e-mail thread that was so unintentionally funny that it had me laughing out loud and I wanted to share it with the world (with some sideline commentary).

So it started out with my friend getting contacted by a Chinese exporter who was interested in having them try a product sample:

Chinese Importer

Dear Manager,

We get your information by searching Google and I am glad to know that you deal in the business of sanitary ware. We are a professional trading company dealing in the inflatable boat,wooden crafts,LED light,crystal soil.

Here I would like to introduce you one unique product which you will be interested in——faucet LED light

The faucet experience is so boring,clear water,always the clear water,what if you could have a party in your faucet?Turn the water on,and the running water activates the LED,Making the water look bright blue or red..Not too bad for something that??ll add some pizzazz to the bathroom,Leting you wash in the same bule colored water that swirls aroud the toilet bowel,It can also change the colors according to the temperatures

I have also attached some photos in the attachment for your reference,Please check it

If you need more infomation about it,Please don’t hesitate to contact me

American Importer

Hi ____,

What is the FOB cost on this unit? Can you airmail us a sample to the address below? We are interested in selling products like this on our Web site.

Chinese Importer

Dear David

Thanks for your quick reply

Here I would like to send you the catalogue which cover the detailed infomation of our faucet LED light in the attachment,Please check it

Because our product is very unique,interesting,and attractive,so there are so many clients asking for the samples every day.We can’t give every customer free sample.So by the rule of our company,Our sample isn’t free.But I have checked your website and I think you are our good potential customer and we are looking forward to establish the long-term relationship with you.I have apply our manager and she let me to send you a free sample but the freight should be paid by yourself

If any other questions,Please don’t hesitate to contact me

Waiting for your opinion

American Importer

Hi Eric,

How much to airship one to Arizona ?

Editor: Now at this point in time, they get into a boring back-and-forth about logistics and my friend agrees to pay to have the free sample shipped to his offices in the United States. Now when the item arrives, my friend finds out they expect cash on delivery (decidedly not what they had agreed upon) and he rejects the product.

When the Chinese account rep. finds out about the product rejection, he send an e-mail diatribe that will go down in history as one of the greatest pieces of literature I have ever read:

Chinese Exporter

Hi,f%$k you.cheater.We have the branch company in USA and we know your address.We will arrange the killer to kill you soon.You will get your penalty.

Editor: I’m sorry, I know it isn’t funny to laugh about death threats, but the line “We will arrange the killer to kill you soon” is just so ludicrous I literally have to contain myself to avoid giggling like a schoolgirl.

So anyway, the moral of this story is if you are going to engage in foreign trade with China, be prepared for some crazy ass sh@# to happen.

F@#k you cheater!

After watching the Children of Heaven a few months ago, and being engaged throughout the film’s entirety I realized a couple of things: First, that there is no correlation between a film’s budget and the overall quality of that film. Second, I realized that I was becoming a fan of Persian films and in particular of Majid Majidi.

So it was with a fair degree of excitement that I plunked down and watched The Color of Paradise this past weekend.

Several hours later I was moping around with a heavy heart, feeling borderline depressed.

Not because The Color of Paradise was a bad movie but because it somehow managed to elicit such a depth of emotion - an imposing sense of sympathy and compassion for the film’s characters.

The plot revolves around Mohammad, a young blind boy who is studying at a school for the blind in Tehran. The semester is over and all the children are picked up by their parents - except for Mohammad, whose Father is late. While he waits, Mohammad hears a baby bird who has fallen from its tree. Despite his handicap, Mohammad locates the helpless creature and manages to return it to its nest.

As he waits, Mohammad’s Father turns up and we soon learn that he is ashamed by his crippled son and desperate to rid himself of what he feels to be a constraining force on his life. Mohammad’s Father is an archetype we have seen in a number of Majidi’s films - a middle-aged man who has been beaten down by life, full of anger and bitterness. After an unsuccessful plea to the school’s teachers to keep Mohammad at the school, he grudgingly returns with Mohammad to their village in the country.

In their village, Mohammad’s Grandmother and two sisters happily await his return and shower him with love and affection (that is absent from his negligent Father). The village is an idyllic scene and Mohammad spends his first days back enjoying the beautiful environs of his village while frolicking with his sisters and spending time with his Grandmother.

Trouble is brewing however, as Mohammed’s Father contemplates the best way to rid himself of Mohammad so he can pursue a widow in his village without the “constraints” of his handicapped son. He eventually finds a blind carpenter who is willing to let Mohammad apprentice under him.

In defiance to Mohammad and his Grandmother’s wishes, Mohammad’s Father takes him to live and apprentice under the blind carpenter. In a heartbreaking tearful monologue (a motif in Majidi’s films) delivered to the blind carpenter, Mohammad laments his handicap and affirms his love for God.

At that point in the film I just about turned off the television and went to cry in the bathroom but managed to suck it up and watch the rest of the film, only to find that it actually gets more emotional and heartbreaking.

By the end of the film (the ending is magnificent) I was ready to pledge a majority of my earnings to blind children in Iran. As a matter of fact, if you feel like donating money after watching the film to help Iranian children then you can go to the Iranian Children’s Rights Society Web site and make a donation.

At any rate, the film was simply incredible. It made me feel and think in a way that no cultural product has been able to do for a long while. Interestingly enough, I went and saw Atonement later that day and found it to be boring and trite in comparison (despite the fact that its budget probably was exponentially higher).

Watching The Color of Paradise is an experience you will not soon forget.

A few weeks back I reviewed Joe McGinniss Jr.’s debut novel The Delivery Man, now available from Amazon.com.

Today, I touched base with McGinniss Jr. and he was kind enough to spend some time answering a few question about his life, his perceptions of society, and his novel.

1. The Delivery Man takes a critical look at the so-called MySpace Generation. What are your impressions of this generation and the influences that have shaped their perceptions.

I wrote this book between 2002 and 2006. This was the age of Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, celebrity worship, breaking news on CNN when Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears drove their car into a telephone pole on Sunset. This while we were invading and occupying Iraq, as thousands and thousands of young men and women, themselves members of the MySpace Generation were getting their limbs blown off half a world away while everyone and their mother seemed to be driving a new 11mpg Escalade or Hummer (some with yellow ribbon Support Our Troops magnets slapped on the back). This period, and the MySpace Generation that was coming of age in the midst of it, was plagued by the superficiality of celebrity worship, materialism, hyper-sexualization of young women while we waged war and the planet died. So America, and it’s attention-craving teenagers who all wanted to be America’s Next Top (fill in the blank), weren’t doing a whole lot that warranted a flattering portrayal. Besides, with a novel, one is free to exaggerate to make a point. In fact, if one doesn’t, it won’t make much of a novel. So are teenagers all empty, shallow, uninspired and unmotivated pop-culture addicts? Of course not. Are teenagers largely the products of their environment and society? Sure. Are parents, corporate media and politicians to blame for America’s Dark Years (2002-2006)? Mostly. Is there hope now for a more engaged and ambitious generation thinking beyond themselves and money and celebrity? We’ll see — but there are signs. Look at the youth vote in the Iowa caucuses. Times may be changing.

2. The Delivery Man is a pretty heavy novel. At times, I found myself struck by how stark your narrative was. Was the tone a conscientious decision or did it just unravel that way?

The tone was something I couldn’t seem to avoid. There was no way I could be true to the characters in their world — modern day Las Vegas and a teenage prostitution ring — and insert layers of character development and traditional character arcs. This isn’t that kind of story. To make the point I wanted to make, I wasn’t able to employ some of those traditional narrative devices. That would have undermined the story, watering down the point, taking the edge off. With too much irony or wry distance between the reader and the story, the effect is lost. It becomes something else entirely. I want it to be jarring, raw, uncomfortable at times. I want anyone who reads it to feel trapped, unable to escape until they finish it. I want it do be an experience. Too many novels and movies are a little this, remind you of that, but are forgotten the moment you put them down or leave the theater. Why bother? Then again, that’s what sells and if you want to make a living writing I guess that’s why you’d bother. I don’t know. Dark is what worked, it’s what fit best and what appealed to me as a writer at the time. So I ran with it.

3. You came to writing relatively late in life and found great success. What are your thoughts on making a jump like that?

I spent most of my young adult life interested in and involved in politics and policy. But I got burned out — lost my motivation sometime in the late nineties, when we were spending inordinate amounts of time on oral sex in the oval office discussions and very little time on things that mattered. At the time, I couldn’t see devoting my life to a world of triviality, compromise, and game-playing. So I started writing fiction, creating my own worlds with my own rules. I guess being in control felt pretty good after so much time working for other people and following their rules. Then again, as I discovered pretty quickly, fiction has it’s own elaborate set of rules and constrictions that can be equally maddening. And it was less a jump than a long, painful slog filled with self-doubt, no money and more stress than I can bear to think about. The first three years of it were endured because I didn’t know any better and always thought a finished publishable novel was around the corner. Kind of like success in Iraq. We’re always “turning the corner.” The last three years were only because I’d invested so much time and energy, had received enough objective encouragement that I was approaching something worthwhile and because my wife supported me emotionally and financially in ways that simply blow my mind when I think about it. There’s a quote from a great writer Roland Merullo that seems apt: “No one writes a novel alone.”

4. What are your thoughts on writing a novel? Do you have any advice for aspiring novelists?

Write. Edit. Read. Write. Edit. Read. Write. Edit. Read. Repeat. And don’t quit. And don’t write for some market you think is “hot.” Because by the time you’ve got something publishable, it won’t be hot anymore. Write something true. Real. Write clearly. Write visually. Write something you like to read. Write what comes easiest. Write not what you feel, not how you feel, because believe me, the reader doesn’t care how you feel. No offense, but everyone feels something unique. That’s not fiction. That’s not a story. I learned this the hard way after I spent about two plus years writing what I thought was a novel but was really just a bunch of autobiography badly disguised as fiction that was readable but really just a bunch of crap. So please, whatever you do, write actions, motivations, stories. People and characters are what they do — defined by their actions and reactions, not by what you think about them. And when you’ve written something you think is strong, after having reread it a few times, get an objective opinion or two. Listen to the feedback. Take in all constructive criticism and get back to work. For some, I’m sure it comes easier. For me, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

5. If a movie were to be made about your life, who would direct and who would play the part of you?

Excellent question. No one would make it and if they did, they’d lose whatever money they invested because I’d be the only one in the theatre — and even I’d probably end up walking out, going home and watching South Park reruns. But I’ll use this space to tell you that the greatest living director is Paul Thomas Anderson. The writer of the script would have to be Creighton Vero — he wrote the movie SPUN that came out in 2002 and is currently adapting THE DELIVERY MAN for the big screen. Who would play me? Is Paul Giamatti available?

I hate stereotypes, plain and simple.

I recall visiting a friend’s family Ohio way back when, and my friend’s Father asked why I was studying English literature.

“Shouldn’t you be studying math or science?” He asked straight-faced.

I remember looking at him for a few moments, trying to gauge his intentions before realizing it was a sincere question.

“No, not every Asian studies math or science,” I responded briskly.

Growing up half-Asian and half-Persian, I’ve been graced with a steady stream of racially-driven comments and insults, which have admittedly tapered off as I’ve gotten older.

There was a time that any racially or ethnically-driven comments would have boiled my blood but now that I’m older I have to find myself conceding that some of them are true.

For instance, it is a simple fact of nature that Asians love karaoke.

Do you want proof? Well, how about the fact that Seoul has 30 karaoke bars per square mile versus 5 in Washington, DC?

Just joking, I don’t think there are any stats that can substantiate my claim - but anecdotally, I will admit that I went out with a Filipino friend of mine who shall go nameless the other night.

After hitting several bars and clubs and appearing quite manly and dashing, we stopped at his apartment and sang karaoke on his home machine for about thirty minutes before continuing to the next bar.

That just doesn’t happen with non-Asians!

Want more proof? Here is a video I shot when I was living in Korea. Fast-forward to 1:00 in the clip and be prepared to be amazed.

Back in 2001, a little-known actor named Ricky Gervais co-produced a series with a littler-known producer/director named Stephen Merchant, which presented a comical perspective on the banality of life in an office.

The show received a great deal of both public and critical acclaim. After only two seasons The Office had turned into a global franchise, garnering numerous awards, spawning French and US adaptations and propelling Gervais and Merchant to super-stardom.

In 2005, the duo anted up once again and created Extras, a series co-produced by HBO and the BBC. This time the subject matter was the periphery of showbiz. The texture of Extras is a bit more gritty than The Office although the depth of both far supersede anything on American television.

In season 1, Extras traces the life of Gervais as he struggles to build a career as an actor. The season culminates when Gervais’ script is well received by the BBC who decide to produce his show (ironically about life in an office).

During the second season of Extras, Gervais has attained success through his television show but no credibility. His struggle is carried through the series finale, the culmination of which is an incredibly moving and honest soliloquy in which Gervais rails against the entertainment industry and laments the trajectory of his career.

I recommend purchasing the series on DVD because it is that good. I’ve embedded a clip of Gervais’ climactic speech because I believe it actually stands on its own as an acute commentary on today’s fixation with celebrities:

It is now 2008 and I’m going to be cheesy and reflect back on the year that was 2007.

I can’t believe how fast the year has come and gone and even more startling to me, are all the things that have happened in the past year.

I began working for a great organization located here in DC, independently launched a new blog focused on social media and technology, launched a collaborative blog focused on life in DC and started taking my life a little bit more seriously (although I do miss being a student somewhat).

I even made a (short-lived) decision to put Drift Reality on hold while I attempted to focus my energies in a new direction. In hindsight, it seems like a naive decision because it was about two months until the old yearnings to write about nothing in particular started knocking once again.

It is funny to think that I originally launched Drift Reality in 2001 when returning home from Korea, still so confused about what I was going to do with my life. Reflecting back on the past six years I realize the one constant has been my eagerness to move to another place, meet new people and document everything in Drift Reality.

In many ways, my initial decision to name the site ‘Drift Reality’ seems apropos based on the content that has emerged throughout the years.

I think 2007 was a departure of sorts because for the first time in ages I don’t feel an inexorable urge to move on but rather, to start building something in addition to Drift Reality.

I attribute these changes to a growing realization of the importance of relationships - with friend and with families. Those growing relationships are what have helped center me throughout all of the transitions and they are proving even more potent now.

These relationships form the ground and the fuel for everything I do these days it seems. I think without them I would still be writing hangover-infused gibberish (instead of sober gibberish).

So, in the first few days of 2007 I’d simply like to acknowledge all the people in my life who help me stay grounded and focused.

You know who you are.