Drift Reality

This is piggy-backing off of my last posting (sort of).  Basically, I get tons of junk mail each and every day. Unlike all the spam I receive in my various inboxes and on my blog, the junk mail really annoys me because of the sheer quantity of natural resources that are wasted. At the end of any given week, my trashcans are basically full of junk mail and I can’t help but think of all the trees that are being destroyed so that SallieMae can try to sell me better insurance policies.

At any rate, I have come up with an idea that is going to fix both the environmental issues associated with direct mail as well as the pitifully low conversion rates associated with this form of advertising.

I call it ‘toilet paper direct mail’ or ‘TPDM’:

Another brilliant idea from Drift Reality

The basic gist of TPDM is that we are providing customers with a form of marketing that is:

1. Environmentally-friendly: Instead of sending out millions of ads that are instantly thrown in the trash and wasted, we are distributing ads that are going to provide consumers with something that they actually end up using. In the process we are going to cut back on consumption of natural resources.

2. Consumer-friendly: Instead of inundating consumers with annoying mail that causes them to silently curse the company that sent it to them, we are providing them with a service that they are going to actually use and be happy with.

3. Highly Retentive: By putting the ad onto toilet paper, we are going to be moving the message out of the mailbox-to-trashcan cycle and into the place where consumers are most likely to actually read the advertisement - the bathroom. Just the other day, I found myself sitting on the toilet, silently contemplating the Redskins starting lineup for ‘07 when I found myself wishing I had something - anything - to read. Well, if I had ads on toilet paper I would probably have been reading those.

Here is the best part: if you like the ad, you keep it and put it aside. If you don’t like the ad, you literally wipe your ass with it. Think about the metaphorical beauty of the act!

It’s a no-brainer.

As with all ideas posted to Drift Reality, if anyone patents this idea I demand partial ownership as well as royalties on all revenue generated through the idea.

I was lying in bed last sunday afternoon when I suddenly realized that I had several friends coming over that evening with the expectation of being fed.  I began thinking through the work it would take to insure that when they arrived, there would be some sort of food available and became very tired in a short amount of time.  It then dawned on me: What are two things that people love in the summer?

#1 - Barbecue

#2 - Not doing anything

Consider this: you are sitting on your couch on a sunday afternoon at 5PM and hunger starts to set in.  Suddenly, you hear a jingle from outside that can only mean one thing.  You rise from the couch, grab for your wallet, and rush outside.  On the street, the intoxicating aroma of burning pork greets your nostrils and you begin to salivate onto your sweat stained t-shirt. 

In front of you is parked a thing of beauty:

“Good Day sir,” you utter to the fat man in the driver’s seat, head adorned with a large white bbq-stained chef’s hat. 

“Top of the morning,” he responds back with a grin that reveals flecks of ribs embedded between his teeth.

“I will have four ribs, a half-chicken, and two hot dogs,” you respond back to him.

“That will be $32.23,” he fires back while digging in the back of his truck for your order.

Absolute perfection.

Disclaimer: If anyone steals this or any of the other brilliant business ideas I come up with then I expect a 10% ownership stake.