Drift Reality

I arrived in Cleveland late on a Wednesday night in late July. Football practice began in early August and I had decided that after dominating the Dungeons and Dragons crew on the Bannockburn playground for several years, it was time to take my game to the next level and play actual organized football.

At Walt Whitman High School, I had actually made a feeble attempt to play football on the team, only to realize that the dynamics of the game change when it’s a 6′2″ guy weighing 220 pounds trying to tackle you, and not your friend Matt Lewis from down the street, who weighs in 150 pounds - and a flabby 150 at that.

After a sadistic assistant coach decided it would be amusing to play me - a 5′9″ 145 pound shrimp - at defensive tackle with the scout team, the football equivalent of telling someone he wasn’t wanted, I just got up and walked away from practice, never to return.

Moving to a smaller private school, I was eager to make up for my failed attempt at Whitman high school and prove my doubters (which consisted of 100% of people who had actually witnessed me play organized football) wrong in their assessment of my athletic talents.

The first day of practice, I showed up in high spirits brandishing a pair of Beverley Hills 90210 sideburns and wearing my most self-satisfied grin and to my surprise, I was actually given a warm reception from the group of kids standing around in front of the practice field.

At Whitman, a high school of 1200 students, the junior varsity team accounted for around 45 students; and the varsity team another 40 or so. At Hawken, a school of about 400 students, the total number of students on both the varsity and junior varsity combined, was around 35.

This may have accounted for the warm welcome I received. When you have 35 total players for two football teams, anyone would be welcome.

A couple of kids approached me - Josh and Chris. Josh was the quarterback - he was an undersized jewish kid who looked a little bit like an elf. Chris was an irish catholic fellow who played fullback and middle linebacker. He had a close cropped haircut and a neck that was slightly wider than his head.

“What’s your name?” Asked Josh.

“Jiyan,” I answered back.

“Jiyan,” he responded pensively and began rubbing his chin as if he were immersed in deep thought.

Chris narrowed his eyes and I could almost hear the rusty gears grinding in his head. “Like G-Spot, huh?” he blurted in Josh’s direction.

“Yeah,” answered Josh. “G-Spot.” Then, turning towards me and putting his hand on my shoulder, he said, “Your name is now G-Spot.”

“Okay,” I answered.

The two of them nodded at one another in satisfaction, and walked away.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS