Jun 12th, 2007
F*$K the Washington, DC DMV
I am generally a pretty easygoing guy and I don’t hold a lot of hate in my heart. I get upset with people sometimes but I always let them know and I try to get over it. If I find that someone is bringing more negativity into my life than positivity, then I basically remove them from my life because I don’t like a lot of drama.
That being said, if there is one group I honestly can say I hate and wish would fall off the face of the earth: it is everyone affiliated with the DMV in Washington, DC. From the meter bitches who constantly leave tickets on my car; to the cops who are basically 10 IQ points away from wearing a helmet to work; to the people who work at the DMV offices who were recruited out of the Ninth Circle of Hell.
I wish someone would come in a big black truck and take all of them away to a special camp somewhere, where they would be routinely flogged and have lye poured into their eyes on a daily basis.
Why do they suck so bad?
- If volume of parking tickets was an indicator of the safety of a city, then DC would be the Garden of Eden. Unfortunately, it is not. While all sorts of crimes are going on in other parts of DC, I have gotten two parking tickets in residential neighborhoods, each for $50, for not having a front license plate on my Landrover Freelander. I am planning to dispute both. Basically, I have heard that the DMV peons show up to court on an infrequent basis so you have a good shot at getting out of your ticket if you just show up. I’m going to spend the next several days figuring out how to get out of these tickets and then share my knowledge with the world, and search-engine optimize it so that anyone in DC who ever Googles “get out of parking ticket” will find my page and automatically know how to get out of paying their fine to the DMV. Cops - why don’t you go stop a crime or something instead of waddling your fat ass through suburban DC looking for cars to ticket. It makes me think that there is some sort of raffle for most parking tickets given out with first prize being a lifetime supply of hot dogs and slurpies from 7-11.
- DC Excise Tax is a euphemism for rape - I have had to go through the car registration process these past few monthsand was forced to pay about $800 in DC Excise Tax, which I am going to blog about in a separate post because I want to make sure that my words on that are search engine optimized as well.
- The final straw was this AM, when I was driving by a cop who had already pulled two people over for no reason in particular, and as I pulled by, asked me to stop. The idiot then looked at me and said “You need to stop before the crosswalk!!!” I proceeded to look down at the street and see that my car was literally one foot into the crosswalk. I just stared at him with disdain and hatred and he let me go because he had to ticket the other two cars he had already pulled over. I wish pestilence upon him.
[...] of driving your car on their torn-up roads, get a constant barrage of parking tickets, and have to deal with absolute neanderthals each and every time you need to interact with anyone who works at the [...]
How can you vote for democrats and then rant and rave about a tax that is under $800?
That is an over-generalization. If there was a local candidate who was in favor of more conservative fiscal policies I would consider that person to be a viable politician. If they figured out a way to reduce the ridiculous tax payments DC residents have to deal with; privatize social services to make them more efficient; and cut back on the aggravations in the city (such as a gestapo-esque DMV), then this would be a candidate I would evangelize for. Partisan leanings have nothing to do with this.
Did you ever find a good way to get out of the parking ticket? I just got a $100 ticket. It was my first time ever parking in DC area and I specifically moved my car before the 2 hours was up. Little did I know that it was still in the same ZONE. 28 minutes later….BAM…..$100 fine.
I wish.
We’ll see, if I can figure out how to get out of this one I’ll be sure to let everyone know.
I think you just need to come up with an imaginative argument and show up for court. I’ve heard a majority of the time you can talk your way out of the ticket if you just show up.
My boyfriend got a boot on his car yesterday at 8am. We paid for it to be released today at 4pm. I get back to where the car is and those fuckers towed it. Not only did we pay $690 to get the boot off, now we have to drive to east buttfuck to get his car back…there is NO WAY we are paying a towing fee after paying a boot fee. BEWARE tomorrow Blue Plain Impoundment. We are about to unleash some FURY!
Try getting your car inspected in this unspeakable hellhole of a city…. the line wraps around the block. Oh yeah, I went in on Friday at 1pm but they shut down because of the heat! Yeah, morons, it was hot for me, too.
Don’t bother contesting your tickets…. you never win.
The entire DMV operation is a scam to provide employment to a bunch of idiots who normally would be on welfare.
I totally agree with you. The DC DMV staff are a bunch of assholes, especially the ugly fat frontd desk women in their Georgetown office. Their faces always looked like their entire family just died. I wish they could go to the worst part of hell. Oh, and they are bloody liars, too. They’ll make up stuff to mistreat you if you don’t smile back at their buttface. Yeah, in their mind it’s ok for them to be jerks to you, but you have to completely surrender to their immense power. I refuse to do that, and I say, fu*k you, DC DMV.