Aug 15th, 2000
Jinie
I met Jinie on a Friday night. Earlier that day, Justin and I agreed to meet Robin, Mejin, JooYoung, and Heinn at a Blues club down in Itaewon. Justin and I had arrived and I was a little disappointed to find that Joo Young was nowhere to be found.
“She’s at a bar down the road, we’re going to go and meet her in a little bit” said Robin as he fiddled with his blow up guitar which he tended to bring out with him. We ordered some drinks and I tried to relax and listen to the band.
As the band began their set, Robin began strumming forcefully on his blowup guitar. As the yearning guitar rift began to flow through the room, I turned my head and my eyes alit upon her.
She was standing next to the front entrance with her arms folded glamorously across her chest. The first thing that I noticed was that she was taller than anybody in the room. She was wearing bell bottomed blue jeans and a tight black turtleneck that hugged her slim, delicately curved torso. A gray felt hat was slickly dropped over her face, casting a partial shadow over two large brown eyes. Angled cheekbones set upon either side of her full lips.
In my typically smooth fashion, I pretended to go to the bathroom in order to get a closer look at her. As I approached, I became very aware of just how beautiful she actually was. It was as if her essence was radiating an aura of such delicious sexuality that I felt time slow down as I passed. From under her felt hat, I caught a moment in which her eyes glance at me, flickered, and then quickly glanced away.
I continued on to the bathroom and attempted to gather my wits about me. I looked in the mirror to make sure that there were no cliffhangers latching onto my nose hairs, that my unibrow (a gift from my Iranian heritage) was not extremely apparent, breathed in deeply and walked out of the bathroom.
I looked towards the spot at which she had been standing and felt my stomach grow hollow as I realized she had left me. I turned towards my table and my eyes widened as I realized that she and her friend has seated themselves next to my table.
I contained my excitement and tried to strut towards my table as though I was oblivious to their presence, a strange flirting technique that I had originally developed in elementary school and had kept with me for all these years. I sat down in my seat and leaned back and began to think about how I might be able to approach the divine creature sitting ten feet away from me. These are the scenarios that I envisioned:
Scenario A: The Smooth Approach - I approach her table, sit down, and tell her “I couldn’t help but notice you when you walked in here. I just want to tell you that I find you very attractive and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink.”
- Pros: I come of seeming confident and self-assured. Also, I am honest and avoid the use of cheesy pick-up lines.
- Cons: I don’t have the balls to do or say those things, and she might not speak English. Also, she might get scared and get the bouncer to beat the crap out of me.
Scenario B: The Friendly Approach - I look at her and wait for her to make eye contact. When she does (which any girl will do if you stare at them long enough), smile and see if she smiles back. If she does, then walk over and say “Hi, how are you doing? My name is Jiyan.”
-Pros: Probably she won’t get the bouncer to beat the crap out of me. Even if she doesn’t speak English, she will understand that I am a nice guy because I smiled.
-Cons: Success is too contingent on external variables.
Scenario C: The Comedic Approach - I stand up and start dancing around like a moron. Then I dance towards her table and attempt to make her laugh with my eloquently contrived antics (dancing around like a moron).
Pros: If she has a good sense of humor, she will go for it. If she doesn’t have a good sense of humor, then I’m probably saving myself future boredom anyway.
Cons: The bouncer will see me from across the room, approach me, and beat the crap out of me. Later, when I realize how ridiculous I must have seemed, I will try to beat the crap out of myself.
Scenario C: The Jiyan Approach
This approach involved me glancing at her every so often and then looking away quickly if we make eye contact. Meanwhile, I have a debate with myself over whether I am good enough for her or not. Finally, I come to the decision that she is not worth my time and she is probably going to be a bitch anyway. Then, I quickly change my mind and decide to talk to her but she has left the bar by this point. I spend the rest of the time feeling vaguely inadequate.
A strange and wonderful thing happened at that point in time. I turned towards Justin and told him that I was thinking about speaking with the girl but I wasn’t sure. He glanced at her, and then glanced back towards the stage and said, “Go for it man.”
For some reason, his nonchalant attitude drifted over my head, just long enough for me to swivel my chair so that I was facing the girl and ask her if she wanted a drink. To my absolute delight, she offered me a dimpled smile and a twinkle of the eye: it was all the confidence I needed to pull my chair close to their table and introduce myself.
“Hi, my name is Jiyan,” I said.
She smiled deliciously back at me but then proceeded to shake her head and tell me, “I am Jinie. No English.”
Fortunately, her friend spoke a little bit more English than she did, and introduced the two of them.
“This is Jinie, I am Yu-Jin.”
“Well, hello there Jinie and Yu-Jin, my name is Jiyan and this,” I turned towards Justin who was placidly staring at the stage with his back to us, “this is Justin.”
Justin slowly swiveled his head around, smiled, waved, and then preceded to turn back towards the stage. I found myself alone, facing two Korean girls who spoke very little English.
During my first month in Korea, I had developed the notion that it was absolutely impossible to interact with Korean girls. This opinion was the inevitable result of getting into numerous bar conversations that resembled the following example:
Jiyan: Hi there, my name is Jiyan.
Korean Girl: Hi. (giggles, covers her mouth and turns away)
Jiyan: Wait! What is your name?
Korean Girl: (shakes head) No English.
Jiyan: What?
Korean Girl: No. Nothing.
Jiyan: So, what’s your name?
Korean Girl: Oh Hyun Joo
Jiyan: Ohyunsu?
Korean Girl: Oh Hyun Joo.
Jiyan: Say that again?
Korean Girl: Bye!
At this point, the girl would rapidly depart the premises, not turning back for fear of making eye contact with me. This type of situation had occurred with consistent frequency and I had just given up the whole though of trying to communicate with Korean girls.
As usual, Gordon had offered his perspective on the situation, explaining that precise semantic comprehension was not a prerequisite for flirting with a girl. Apparently, an individual was capable of communicating through a variety of different mediums, including facial expressions, sign language, symbolic drawing, and Gordon’s favorite - getting drunk and trying to make out with the girl. Of course, I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about at the time, but on that particular night, inspired by a muse of epic beauty, I made my grand leap into the world of non-verbal communication.
Pointing to my eyes and then pointing to her, I managed to convey my appreciation for her beauty. She smiled and then made a similar gesture, offering reciprocity for my compliment.
After a while, I extended my index finger and my little finger, and held them to my ear while offering her a questioning glance. She got the message, smiled and shook her head vigorously. I responded by shrugging my shoulders and placing a hurt look into my eyes.
She duplicated my “phone” gesture and feigned speaking into the mouthpiece. She then shrugged her shoulders and looked confusedly at the phone. The two words that she uttered, “no understand,” enlightened me as to her dilemma: she did not feel as though we would be able to communicate adequately.
After making the “pen” gesture by clenching the tips of my fingers together and then pretending to write over an imaginary sheet of paper, she got the message and fished a pen out of her handbag. I then proceeded to write the following message on a napkin:
“I will learn Korean so that I can speak with you.”
She understood my message and her acknowledging smile was all the response I needed. We were two mimes in love.
It was then that fortune smiled upon me because just as her friend was beginning to get restless, a solitary Korean fellow at a neighboring table approached her and began speaking with her.
Jinie and I continued our nonsensical banter for several minutes, and then her friend leaned over and began whispering something in her ear. The guy who had joined us then asked me, “do you want to go to another place after this?”
Ordinarily, I would have no problem just moving with the general flow of things, but in this case, prudence calmly explained to me that after only being in this country for one month, and seeing as how I was incapable of communicating with 80% of the population, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go cavorting around with a group of people who I had known for a total of about one hour. I could end up “in some ditch,” as my Mother always enjoyed telling me when I was young.
As usual, the conflict between male common sense and a beautiful girl was short lived, and next thing I knew we were driving on the highway to God knows where and I was sitting in the back seat with a beautiful girl who did not understand a word that I was saying. As a benefit to all my readers, I have included a translation along with the following transcript of dialogue between Jinie and myself:
Jinie: (points at me) Girlfriend? (Offers a questioning glance)
Translation: So, do you have a girlfriend?
Jiyan: (shakes head vigorously and looks at Jinie) Boyfriend? (Offers a questioning glance)
Translation: No, I’m hoping you can help me with that. Wait, do you have a boyfriend?
Jinie: (Smiles and shakes head)
Translation: No, I just haven’t met a guy who excites me, you know? I need an interesting guy who challenges me.
Jiyan: (smiles knowingly)
Translation: Maybe I could be you boyfriend. I’m interesting, I used to drench my toys with WD-40 and destroy them in a blazing inferno.
Jinie: (Points at me with a questioning look on her face) Job?
Translation: So, what do you do for a living? What makes your boat float? Tell me more about yourself.
Jiyan: (points at self) Teacher. (Points at Jinie) Job?
Translation: I don’t know DHTML, ASP, or VB Script, so I decided to teach English. Well, baby-sit is more accurate a term. So, what do you do?
Jinie: (points at self) Fashion model.
Translation: Well, I’ve been modeling since I was young, it pays well and I only have to work two hours each day. I’m quite beautiful, don’t you think?
Jiyan: (nods head appreciatively) Oh. Model what?
Translation: You’re a model? Well, that certainly seems to make sense? What kind of modeling do you do?
Jinie: Lingerie model. Home shopping.
Translation: Well, I’m a lingerie model on the home shopping network actually. I walk around in my underwear while people videotape me.
Jiyan: Oh baby.
Translation: Oh baby.
I was so entranced by the conversation with Jinie that I did not realize we had been driving on the highway for about thirty minutes. When I finally looked out the window, I was disturbed to see that we were no longer in the city. We had arrived in some strange café in the middle of nowhere.
Thankfully, my companions did not morph into vampires and kill me in a blood-soaked orgy of gore. Instead, we had a few drinks in the café and then headed back to the city.
After dropping of the male stranger, we headed towards Chongshinde to drop me off. It was at this point that I found out that Jinie lived in a distant region in the far Northeast section of Seoul and wanted to know if her and her friend could stay at my house for the evening. Being the pinnacle of chivalry that I am, I politely explained to them that they were more than welcome to accompany me back to my house, and that I would even sleep on the floor and allow them the privilege of sharing my single bed.
This news seemed to please them and we headed towards my apartment.
We arrived and they gingerly followed me through my building into my apartment. We entered and they scrutinized my environment, probably to make sure that I didn’t have any whips or chains in the corner of my room. As I quietly looked on, they exchanged a few words in Korean, and then Jinie’s friend turned towards me and shyly asked, “It is okay if she sleeps here?”
I tried my best to contain the diabolical grin that was struggling its way onto my face and responded, “Sure, no problem.”
My response seemed to satisfy her and she said her farewell and left the room, leaving Jinie and myself completely alone for the first time that night. Playing the role of the gentleman, I offered her some pajamas and we began to prepare ourselves for bed.
Like two children, we sat next to each other and attempted to communicate through drawings on a notepad until morning.
