Drift Reality

In general, Drift Reality is all my own content. I normally write about things that mean something to me, or ideas that have evolved in my head over time. I write a draft, do a quick copy edit and then push it live.

There are certain times however when I feel like I need to share something with the world that isn’t my own creation and this is one of those times.

A close friend of mine who runs a business involved with foreign trade recently forwarded me an e-mail thread that was so unintentionally funny that it had me laughing out loud and I wanted to share it with the world (with some sideline commentary).

So it started out with my friend getting contacted by a Chinese exporter who was interested in having them try a product sample:

Chinese Importer

Dear Manager,

We get your information by searching Google and I am glad to know that you deal in the business of sanitary ware. We are a professional trading company dealing in the inflatable boat,wooden crafts,LED light,crystal soil.

Here I would like to introduce you one unique product which you will be interested in——faucet LED light

The faucet experience is so boring,clear water,always the clear water,what if you could have a party in your faucet?Turn the water on,and the running water activates the LED,Making the water look bright blue or red..Not too bad for something that??ll add some pizzazz to the bathroom,Leting you wash in the same bule colored water that swirls aroud the toilet bowel,It can also change the colors according to the temperatures

I have also attached some photos in the attachment for your reference,Please check it

If you need more infomation about it,Please don’t hesitate to contact me

American Importer

Hi ____,

What is the FOB cost on this unit? Can you airmail us a sample to the address below? We are interested in selling products like this on our Web site.

Chinese Importer

Dear David

Thanks for your quick reply

Here I would like to send you the catalogue which cover the detailed infomation of our faucet LED light in the attachment,Please check it

Because our product is very unique,interesting,and attractive,so there are so many clients asking for the samples every day.We can’t give every customer free sample.So by the rule of our company,Our sample isn’t free.But I have checked your website and I think you are our good potential customer and we are looking forward to establish the long-term relationship with you.I have apply our manager and she let me to send you a free sample but the freight should be paid by yourself

If any other questions,Please don’t hesitate to contact me

Waiting for your opinion

American Importer

Hi Eric,

How much to airship one to Arizona ?

Editor: Now at this point in time, they get into a boring back-and-forth about logistics and my friend agrees to pay to have the free sample shipped to his offices in the United States. Now when the item arrives, my friend finds out they expect cash on delivery (decidedly not what they had agreed upon) and he rejects the product.

When the Chinese account rep. finds out about the product rejection, he send an e-mail diatribe that will go down in history as one of the greatest pieces of literature I have ever read:

Chinese Exporter

Hi,f%$k you.cheater.We have the branch company in USA and we know your address.We will arrange the killer to kill you soon.You will get your penalty.

Editor: I’m sorry, I know it isn’t funny to laugh about death threats, but the line “We will arrange the killer to kill you soon” is just so ludicrous I literally have to contain myself to avoid giggling like a schoolgirl.

So anyway, the moral of this story is if you are going to engage in foreign trade with China, be prepared for some crazy ass sh@# to happen.

F@#k you cheater!

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