San Diego - June 2002

June 27 - It's always nice to wake up to a barrage of hate e-mail. This morning, I was delighted when I saw that there were 7 messages in my Inbox. Unfortunately, they were all from the same person, and they were all insulting. Being the open-minded individual that I am, I made sure to answer every single one of them. Here is what I came up with:

On Thu, 27 Jun 2002 01:40:06 -0700, T23 wrote: Hello, My life has gone in a circle I will find you at thee end, the end will finally be your last destruction, when I find you buried before yourself as a fake countryman- loser to a more creative sense of human race while the maggots eat the last living tiny soul that Satan has soon to Savor. Your Worst Nightmare...

My response: Are you drunk right now? It's just that you have managed to find a way to slur your words on paper, which I think is kind of impressive. Anyway, what's all this about Satan and maggots? Are they your special friends?

On Thu, 27 Jun 2002 01:49:58 -0700, T23 wrote: Hey your sight looks beyond belief, The sad thing is your mind has no real sense of imagination. Your about as boring as John Nash after he lost his mind in human reality. If you could only no want people really want to see is just someone who could care how boring you could be. Nobody I know wants to be you.

My response: To be honest with you, I don't think you could have thought of a worse example for your pathetic little simile. You thought Nash was boring after he lost his mind? Did you even watch the movie? That was the best part - when he was running around and yelling at imaginary people! Also, I have no idea what "if you could only no want people really want to see is just" means. Please get someone to check your grammar before you write hate mail next time so at least I can understand what you're talking about.

June 26 - Hey! I've got great news! I just received an e-mail from someone, telling me that I can quit my job and work at home, and here is the clincher - I can make up to $10,000/month! Lucky me that I got this e-mail. I'm going to quit my job today and start my new life of internet-blessed happiness and fulfillment. So long suckers.

June 21 - A little bit bored lately, stuck in a rut although I did play well at the gym yesterday. There is this group of Malaysians that has become coming to the gym lately and I have been deriving basketball mana from this Asian infiltration. Yesterday, there was five Malaysians, one Hispanic, four african-americans at the gym, and one white guy - Karl - at the gym. That adds up to eleven people even though you only need ten for a game. Needless to say, we kicked Karl off the court and held a "minorities-only" game, you gotta love San Diego. On an unrelated note, It looks as if VGXtreme might be going places. We've tacked on some LA veterans and they are shopping the show around. Who knows? We might have a few pilots in the bag before too long. Wouldn't that be something.

June 20 - In yesterday's edition of USA Today, Paul Wiseman reported, "China thrown off balance as boys outnumber girls." As he explains, "a tough one-child-per-couple policy and modern medical technology have combined to create a demographic nightmare that threatens China's stability and endangers prospects for greater political freedom in the country with the world's largest population." Even more disturbing, "lonely men in migrant shantytowns and isolated farm villages will pose a threat to social order and could force the Chinese government to tighten its grip on society or even seek military conflicts abroad to keep the restless bachelors occupied." I can't believe this! This guy think that China is going to start a war because its male citizens are bored and sexually frustrated. Well, I've got a proposition that can save us from World War III: Introduce homosexuality into China.

Don't laugh, I'm serious.

We need to inundate China with homosexual ideology in the hopes that it will give these men something to occupy their time with. We could call the campaign, "Homosexuality to save Homosapiens." I think as a good first step, we send free DVD players along with free copies of "Queer as Folk" into these migrant shantytowns. Phase two would involve the creation of trendy thrift stores and dance clubs in these areas. I think that it wouldn't be difficult to solicit investor interest, particularly if we used "avoidance of WWIII" as a selling point.

June 16 - I just returned from a trip up to Monterey where I enjoyed a weekend of great company, a variety of delicious wines, and some tasty meals. We arrived there Saturday evening and had dinner in a restaurant named Shnarley's. Shnarley's is a fun restaurant that is half pizzeria/half wine cellar. It is conveniently located in the center of town and has a really comfortable and sophisticated feel. We split a pizza dubbed "Lord Grundy," which had a mouth watering assortment of toppings, including: roasted chicKarl, mushrooms, tomatoes, red onion, cashews, roasted garlic, and fresh basil. We also had several glasses of the Rosemont Estate Shiraz Cabernet, which was so smooth that I decided to take a bottle home with us.

June 14 - Anatomy of annoyance: I'm not prone to complaining, but pretentious artists who take themselves too seriously really annoy me. You know who I'm talking about: the kind of people who would glare at you if you made a joke about doodoo or said that you thought a girl was "hot." The kind of people who are suffering because no one can understand how great they are except for them. I think I first became aware of this pet peeve when a close friend was telling me about this artist she knew named "Romeo." When I asked what his last name was, she informed me that "Romeo doesn't have a last name, he is an artist," to which I responded: "Really? I hope he concurrently gets scabies and the gout." Anyway, I was perusing Karl's guestbook one day, when I happened upon an entry from some random stranger:

Name: nicole Sent: 13.24 - 7/6 i was going to commend you on the clever ant/soap suds anecdote you left in my guestbook but after scanning your guestbook, it seems that i was not the only one graced with that comment. oh well. you have a fun/entertaining site here. & that storefront pony-riding photo is priceless ;P Doing a little detective work, I realized that Karl had been running a spamming campaign to try and rouse publicity for his site. He had been posting his silly little comment on several website guestbooks, including this girl's website.

Here is the excerpt: i just finished college. i want to travel 'into' instead of around. sometimes i think the best kind of travel would be if i were an ant surfing the car wash suds in my own front yard gutter. I knew as a fact that this did not make any sense because not only do I know Karl very well but the damn thing just doesn't make any sense. So in response, I typed in her guestbook: By the way, that guy Karl copies all his stuff from me. Out of boredom, I perused her site and found it to be quite nicely put together. Two things stuck out in particular: the fact that the site was named Memento Mori, the same name as the short story upon which the film "Memento" was based, and that she had a section of self-portraits, the same kind of self-portraits that I was mercilessly badgered about not too long ago - well, maybe they weren't quite as narcissist as mine, but they were self-portraits nonetheless. The only thing was that the way that she shot her self-portraits, it was really difficult to actually see what she looked like - they would be of only her leg, or her hip, or her face in a blurred mirror. I concluded that either she was drunk when she took the self-portraits or it was too difficult for her to hold the camera and take the picture of herself while posing at the same time.

I decided to write another entry in her guestbook: Oh yeah, did you copy the title from that short story that Memento was based on? Yeah. . . one more thing - those self-portraits are tough to see. Can you put a self-portrait up that really is normal. Well, not necessarily normal, but I mean, I can't really see you that well in these pictures. Also, was it difficult to twist your wrist in those weird angles to take those self-portraits. Also, don't try to contemplate Karl's little haikus because they are nonsense.

I added in the last little bit for good measure, just in case there was still any doubt out there. Anyway, a few days pass and I get the following response: jiyan - the title of my web page means 'a reminder of death' in Latin. i didn't take it from the short story that 'memento' was based on. i actually swiped it from an old art history text.

I thought it was funny that she was so horrified that someone might have construed that she would be so mainstream to steal the name from a film. God forbid that she steal the name from a film! It was an old art history text of course. Incidentally, the only thing that is "a reminder of death" in her website is her self-portraits.

Anyway, Karl deemed fit to write a counter-response to my commentary in her guestbook, which I offered a counter-counter response and this morning, I received the following message from the girl: you know, i could do without the sarcasm. if you have something to say, go right ahead and say it. otherwise, please stop spamming my guestbook with inane comments.

So it was out of a sincere love for my fellow human being that I wrote her an e-mail this morning telling her that "I wasn't being sarcastic, please stop taking yourself so seriously." And to be honest, she probably could use a little bit of sarcasm in her profound and ultra-important life. She could also use a few other things, but that is a story for another day. Anyway, the moral of this story is that if you don't have something to say like "your art is transcendent and reminds me of the time that I became a man," don't bother writing in artist's guestbooks.

June 13, 2002 - It's Thursday morning and I'm back in San Diego. I arrived yesterday evening at about 7:30 and went for a quick jog. Karl, Sooyun, and I went out for some tacos and margaritas, topping off the night by having a cigar and a glass of wine at Hemmingway's in Old Town. I am going to be focusing on getting my latest video project completed and posted during the next week. I've also had a ton of written material copyrighted, so I will be posting that as well in the upcoming weeks.