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Drift
Reality > Washington,
DC > Parking in DC
After
living in DC for so long that it hurts, I've realized a few things
about the city. One, there are not a lot of very good-looking
people here. Although this sounds like a superficial thing to
say, no one can ever criticize me for being superficial because
I actually left one of the more attractive cities in the United
States - San Diego - to come
back to this cesspool of homeliness. The reason I did, was because
people tend to be pretty savvy about what's going on in the world
around them, unlike San Diego, and I appreciate that. Would you
rather have beautiful vacuous people or sharp unattractive people?
At
any rate, not only have I learned many things about the type of
people who live in DC, but I've also learned quite a bit about
the everyday trivial little details that go along with living
in DC.
Now,
I've already talked about my intense
hatred for meter maids in the city. Today, I'd like to discuss
something less infuriating, and more ridiculous: parking in DC.
Not
only is parking in DC difficult due to the intense automotive
congestion downtown, which must be in the same ballpark as Manhattan,
but it is made more difficult by virtue of the fact that for every
space there is available on the street, there are EIGHT MILLION
FRIGGIN' SIGNS YOU HAVE TO DECIPHER.
I
was trying to park in Dupont the other day, and I was confronted
with the following:
Sign
1: 2 Hour Parking; 10:30AM - 3:30PM; Monday-Friday
Sign 2: No Parking or Standing; 8:30 AM - 10:30 AM; 3:30PM
- 5:30PM; Monday - Friday
Sign 3: No Parking; Street Cleaning; Wednesday Morning;
5:30AM - 8:30AM
Sign 4: No Parking; Special Event; January 20; All-Day
Sign 5: No Parking; 5:45PM - 6:30PM; If Driving Blue Honda
'92-'95
Sign 6: No Parking; If Uncle's Neighbor's Brother is Gay;
Or if Your Name is Harold
Okay,
I threw in those last two, but do you see what I'm saying? It
is absolutely ludicrous. Not only does it take 30 minutes to find
a goddamn spot, but also it takes 15 minutes to sit and figure
out the stupid GRE analytical problem, that is understanding the
parking signs.
I'm
sure that half of the reason there is so much damn traffic in
this city is because people are sitting in their cars like a bunch
of morons, trying to understand street signs.
If
I were the mayor of this city, I would utilize a new approach
to street signs. It would involve the following two signs:
Sign
1: NO
Sign 2: YES
Should
I be mayor? What do you think?
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