Drift Reality > Washington, DC > On the Severn

There was that day that they spent in his friend's house on the lake and there were times that it hurt him too much to think about and he would distract himself with trivial lines of thought because boredom was preferable to the pain. During the day when there were people around him, he could unclench his mind and think smoothly. He would see the view from atop the balcony, which seemed to hang in the air, above the lake. The trees on either side of the house framed the view gave it a post-card like quality. He remembers how the rain had just stopped and there was moisture in the air. The sky was slightly overcast but it was still sunny. There were drops of rain on all of the trees that surrounded the view. The air smelled pure and he could inhale deeply and it felt like icy water spreading over a dry and cracked ground. He remembered how he felt a rush of adrenaline with her around and how when they had ridden in the car he had talked non-stop. Laughter came easily to her but that did not detract from it's precious quality because he coveted her laughter. It was fuel for his mind and he often thought on a different plane around her.

The three of them had gone canoeing and he went to extra lengths to try and capture her complete attention, probably failing as much as he succeeded, but he didn't really have to push himself like that because it was much better when he just flowed. Also, he didn't really have to push himself because she had already seen him and she knew him and felt him. He probably knew this but he kept it buried deep down. Smell of moisture in the air, watching her always when her back was turned, his mind working like a train, conjuring up constant images and thoughts that all partook of her. It rained for much of the day and they were restricted in what they could do, but it was very perfect for him.

Later, his friend's parents had another couple over for dinner. The parents invited the three of them for dinner, so they decided to stay. They ate and conversed with the guests. He mostly kept to himself for dinner and watched the others, breaking his silence on occasion to make an attempt at wit. His heart wasn't in it and he decided to watch instead. His mind always calculating and conjuring as he observed her talk with a certain honesty and sincerity that almost was incomprehensible to him. He felt that she made life simple for herself through honesty.

They had spent a few nights together but sometimes he thought more about those nights than he thought about the hundreds of nights that he had spent with other girls. The other memories were buried in a sea, with a vague emotion rising over the surface. He could dive into different parts if he so desired but it was empty for him. Those few nights that he had spent with her where like some kind of randomly organized chain of isolated and precious instances. They always had some kind of surreal feel to him that superceded any of his other experiences. There had been times when something of extreme significance had shaken his mind to the point that he could remember every facet of it distinctly, but never had he remembered such seemingly common occurrences with such vividness. She had been this omnipresent aspect of his life all along, but it seemed like he had never been fully aware of why. He was starting to realize and that is why it hurt him now to think about that day at the lake. The thought that it partook of something that had ceased to exist because he had ignorantly misunderstood it, felt to him like thinking about someone close who has passed away.

Those moments would disorient him and he would go scrambling for something else to occupy his mind. But it would not go away because the more he turned his head, the more he began to know about what it was. It was always there and people around him seemed to know more than he did. He was pretty stupid sometimes. Much of the time. But that was also one of those things that attracted her to him.